Jack and the Lad

Jack's been objectified his entire life; that's fine, because it happened to his Uncle Phil, and before that it happened to his Great Uncle Rupert, and before him...and so on, and so forth. But unlike them, Jack doesn't believe that he was baptised in a secret 'testosterone spring' purely for that purpose; that's just a local urban myth, like the legend of barrow boy groupie Minty Hardcore. No, Jack just wants to mould himself into the modern, metrosexual man his mum would be so proud of. He's the pole star around which his family revolves; unless you're his baby brother Jamie, in which case he's one babe magnet best sent packing, pronto. In fact, you might say that Jack has it sorted; he's got brains, brawn, and sightly bulges. And with his Masters from the LSE and his fledgling City career, he's a modern man with a lad's legacy best left behind. Trouble is, Minty Hardcore's pact with the family still holds weight; six-packs through sorcery, and all that. Now she wants the latest model back in the East London immediately, a plan which might well screw up Jack's prospects for promotion and a cosmopolitan, carefree existence rather royally...