Defining Moments: Coping With the Loss of a Child

It's been estimated that over fourteen million children every year die under the age of five. Those staggering numbers leave behind many people who are hurting, including parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and close friends. Research has shown us that after the death of a child, families struggle with a high risk of divorce, drugs, alcohol and even suicide to lessen the burden of the seemingly endless despair of this type of tragedy.So what is the solution? There isn't just one. For myself, I almost died at the same time my son did. It created a spiritual shift, a desire to do better, to be better. I decided to live my life with purpose and not just go through the business of life. That was the gift my son gave me. I found ways to honor him in the way that I chose to live the rest of my life. Instead of choosing the path of downward spiral, I made a conscious choice to walk through the pain. I learned that there were several stages I had to go through in order to heal my heartache and eventually learned to find joy again - without feeling guilty. I learned that the length of time I mourned his death, had nothing to do with the depth of love I feel for my son.The thing that helped me the most was to talk with other parents who were going through the same pain. When I started hearing their stories, I remember thinking that their story was worse then mine. If you ask them, they would say that someone else's story was worse than theirs. A loss is a loss and affects everyone differently. The process of healing is different for everyone. But there was a comfort in seeing other people survive it and hear how they walked through that dark journey and survived it intact. The last thing I wanted was someone else telling me what I was supposed to feel, especially someone who never lost a child. I realized that I had joined a club that no one wanted to join and I would be a lifetime member. I hope that you find comfort and solace and healing in these pages. I want to thank all of the courageous parents who shared their emotional, painful, searing stories in order to have the purest intention of helping you through your own journey. May you be blessed as you continue living your own life. Just know that if you look for the reason why your child died, you will rarely, if ever, find an answer that satisfies you. Asking 'why' always holds us back. Instead, if you look hard enough, you will find the purpose, not only in your child's life, but in your own. There is a lesson that will help you grow. Instead, start by asking 'what can I learn from this experience?' Where do I go from here? How can I find a place that allows me to feel joy for my child that died, the same way I feel happiness and joy when I see my other children?May God bless you on your journey and bring peace to your broken heart.Melanie Warner