Monster in Mama Is Not Bigger Than God

The book you are about to read is based on my painful experience with my mother, sibling, relatives, some members of churches and communities I lived in. Even though I suffered in some churches and under some preachers who call themselves servants of God I continue to serve God and have fellowship with brethren in a church. This book is one of those difficult ones for me to write. I delayed for a while when God instructed me to write about my own personal abuse. To tell the truth I did not think, great book to write Father, I will start right away. God showed me my rejection by my mother since she knew she was pregnant with me. She never accepted me until now when I'm writing this book. I don't write the book to make her appear like some monster but I firmly believe she has some monster inside of her to carry such hatred towards me. God gave me the title "Monster in Mama is not Bigger than God" so that I understand that my "battle is not against flesh and blood but against principalities, powers and rulers of darkness." I battled to understand why such deep hatred from the woman who gave birth to me. I mean she looked me in the face and said "Doreen, you will never force me to love you " My mother would say "when I gave birth to you if I knew you will rebel against me I should have sat on you and suffocate you to death. I told the Congolese in-laws of yours to kill you take the body and give me your head. You are good for nothing, a witch, a Satanist, evil, cruel, stupid, a problem to me. It is good that you lost everything including your job. It serves you right that Mampani (husband) is poverty stricken. He cannot even afford to buy himself underwear. I brought you down from being a success to live like an illiterate person. You thought you knew everything and you are clever." When I finalized this book I had an idea what the hatred could be which is my biological father whom I still don't know who he is. When I asked my mother who my real father is she would swear me with words that even those who write dictionaries would not take time to write. She did this while drunk and sober therefore she knew what she was doing. Well hard as it is, I'm still praying for my mother's Salvation. I realized that when all those evil spirits that are making her the monster are out, she will realize the mistake she did. I didn't just embark on the battle but with God, LORD Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit, brethrens, Christian counseling and strangers that God sent to encourage me. For example one day I met one woman for the first time, she said "mama, even if someone make you angry. It does not matter how much he or she swears you and belittle you. Don't ever raise your hand to smack or push that person. There are too many sick people these days. Unfortunately some look healthy but are dying. Just walk away or else you will smack or push such a person and he or she falls down and die. When you go to court the judge will say that you have killed someone. So don't lose faith." I did not discuss my challenge with that woman neither did she read any of my books. I found out when we were talking that God was using her.