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Divorce is as ugly as the wedding day is beautiful. There will be times you just can't believe its happening. My daily devotions through those dark times inspire the following pages. It is a real, anguish-filled, emotionally charged back-and-forth struggle with my broken heart and crushed spirit. When the evil fingers of divorce come knocking at your door, the mind goes crazy Walking through the valley of divorce is excruciating The first three months were like a hundred days of hell I just wanted to die.As a faithful Christian who believed that God "hates divorce" no matter what, I did what most God-fearing Christians do - fight for the marriage. But it seems that God didn't have the same plan as I did. Though I pleaded to God daily for restoration and reconciliation, there was so much more that He had not revealed to me yet, which kept me holding on to what He wanted me to ultimately release.In God's great mercy, He knew what it would take for my hands to open and let go. As I stayed close to Him in daily prayer and meditation, I just knew in my heart that God would rebuild my marriage. I couldn't think any other way. As I prayed and pleaded to God to change my spouse, even during our separation and divorce proceedings, God was changing me.I went from one emotional extreme to the other: to live glorifying God or to seek and destroy my husband But God had patience with me, as only He can. He knew my heart, my desire for obedience, and that I trusted Him even when I didn't want to. He was and is faithful. Having traveled through the journey, He has restored so much more than what I thought I lost. He kept reminding me of His promises as I walked in that valley. But it wasn't until I was out of the marriage that I understood God's broader picture.This experience showed me that I had to be extremely vigilant about myself. Despair and sorrow can lead to a quick path to relief from pain by any means necessary. It was tempting to lose sight of God because relief His way seemed to take so long. Crying every night hoping that my spouse would return was excruciating.It took about twenty-five months (from the time God revealed the true nature of my marriage to me to the time of final decree) to emerge from the valley. I went in feeling like death and ended with a new beginning. Being near to God every single day prepared me for the end. I emerge with a true sense of freedom and renewal. I had changed.
