Someone's Done Something Wrong

The book is an exploration of the phenomenon of revenge and, in particular, its psychological and relational function. It explores how and why we take revenge and the reasons for its enduring appeal as a solution to the hurts we suffer. The book proceeds from the commonly mistaken premise that bad feelings arise chiefly from bad deeds and proposes that a focus on wrongdoing, and the wrongdoer, is a mistake if we wish to find emotional relief. Revenge is shown to function, not as a means of justice, punishment or reparation but as a self-soothing mechanism and as a response to hurt that has caused insult to the sense of self. Specifically, thoughts and acts of revenge are revealed as a defence against feelings of powerlessness, humiliation and loss. Revenge is essentially concerned with psychic equilibrium rather than with ethical or rational matters. The propensity to take revenge is shown to have a high correlation with degrees of pre-existing emotional vulnerability, specifically degrees of narcissism. The book proposes that the revenger is not seeking justice but the re-establishment and stability of the fragile narcissistic state. The ultimate failure, futility and infinite circularity of the revenge scenario in human affairs is seen to result from the fact that its core function is to re-establish vulnerable narcissism. It does not lead to a stable, sustainable and anxiety free sense of self. The book goes on to propose that the solution to chronic and intractable revengeful behaviour lies not in the realm of fairness or justice but in attenuation of the narcissistic state. There are many brief examples, and a detailed case study, taken from psychotherapeutic work that demonstrate how this might be done. As most existing literature on the subject is based on ethical and rational objections, the aim of this book is to present an alternative view of the dynamics of revenge. The purpose of the book is to take a psychodynamic approach and make a theoretical, and practically applicable, contribution to psychotherapy and conflict resolution practice. The author's experience of working in both fields for over 25 years has shown him that latent revenge dynamics often pass unacknowledged, are misunderstood, or are simply ignored and denied. Because of this, feelings of revenge continue to exert their destructive influence and will sabotage otherwise good intentions. This book is unique in both the depth of analysis it brings to the subject and in the correlation it makes between the propensity for revenge and unmodified narcissistic dynamics. It is also unique in that it makes specific proposals for intervention, based upon clinical experience, that can lead to stable and sustainable responses to the hurt we are able to inflict upon each other. By attending to the underlying psychodynamics it is possible to discover an alternative to revenge which is superior to a well-intentioned act of will or does more than simply pass the suffering back to the wrongdoer. The psychotherapeutic approach to revenge has the potential to arrest the circularity of revenge and counter-revenge which is so ubiquitous, familiar and destructive to us all.